So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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