Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
