watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
