dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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