Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
