It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
