Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
