so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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