When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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