Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
