what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
