I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize