We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
