I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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