I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
