You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
