just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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