im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
