I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize