I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
