I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
