I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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