ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are we still banned from the library?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
