If i come over, it means nothing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
