My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
