o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
