I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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