how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
