I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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