so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
