Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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