At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
