White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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