he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Boobs are out for the taking
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
