im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you win again, gameday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
