Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
