today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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