Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
