First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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