she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
