Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
