I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
