tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
