great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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