first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
