...so i touched it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
