cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
