Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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