so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
