Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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