Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
