we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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