And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I die, sorry about rent.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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