My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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