At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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