My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
