Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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