He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
