I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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