I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
