If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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