i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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