Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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