How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
