And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
