your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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