my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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