i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
