I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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