Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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