Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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